Welcome to Holy City Review
Publix Cane Bay
Date of Visit 10/14/25
🌸 Odor: 2/5
A faint whisper of eau de urination wafted through the air — not enough to knock you out, but definitely enough to remind you where you are.
✨ Sparkle & Shine: 3/5
I’m being a bit generous here. While the sink and throne were serviceable and mostly clean, the overall vibe screamed “seen some things.” Not exactly the shimmering palace one hopes for, but not a horror show either.
💧 Waters of Life: 3/5
The faucet trickled like it was shy, and the toilet demanded a long, heartfelt relationship with its handle to complete a flush. Efficiency? Not exactly — patience is required.
🧼 Washy Washy: 3/5
Motion-activated faucet? Check. Plenty of soap? Check.
Strong, sustained water stream? Alas, no. Blink and the water stops — it’s like playing tag with hydration.
🧻 Paper Chase: 4/5
A veritable bounty of toilet paper awaited! Abundance for all, and no awkward mid-wipe panic in sight.
💨 Drying Chronicles: 3/5
Paper towels only — no hand-roasting jet dryers here. On the bright side, it wasn’t one of those cranky endless rolls from the 90s. A small win for humanity.
🦶 Floor Adventures: 2/5
The floor wasn’t sticky (hallelujah!), though a few stray paper bits hinted at past travelers. Could use a good scrubbing or perhaps a full makeover, but it’s holding on bravely.
🕯️ Ambience & Atmosphere: 3/5
This restroom has stories. It’s seen things. It’s endured the passage of countless pit stops — and it shows.
🚽 Final Judgment: 23 Golden Toilets
Final Thought:
This isn’t a bathroom that dazzles, but it’ll absolutely get you through your biological business. Not quite a royal chamber, but when nature calls and the pee dance begins — this humble hero stands ready for duty.
